Summer Reflection

Below is a note I sent to my teenage daughters. It feels a bit old-fashioned and preachy even to me (and I am the author). But I think there might be some useful nuggets in here, and in my experience working with high school and college students, they often pull value from such things even if they find the tone a little off-putting. I am sharing it in the hope that it helps others. If you share it with someone, especially a young person, please let me know in the comments.

Summer Reflection

Summer is a good time for reflection. You are about to embark on a new school year, another stage in your life’s adventure. As you think about the coming school year, I hope you will consider it within the context of your overall life. School is an important support in your life. But it is not the whole of it. When you think about school, family, friends, work, and how to find happiness and fulfillment in life, here are six areas to consider and focus on. These aren’t just my ideas, but part of what great thinkers and researchers have learned about what makes for a happy and fulfilling human life.

Positive Emotion

This is one of the most obvious connections to happiness. Being able to focus on positive emotions is more than just smiling, it is the ability to be optimistic and view the past, present, and future from a positive perspective. Mine for silver linings. Notice and appreciate beauty, music, joy, kindness, nature, good design, learning something new, and the joy of simple pleasures. Live in this current moment, savoring what is fine, uplifting, and life-affirming. Said simply, cultivate joy. I know of no easier way to do this than to adopt the attitude of gratitude. Live with attention, and note the good.

Engagement

It is important in our lives to be able to find activities that need our full engagement. When we are engaged, our whole mind and being are fully present in the moment. We are the dancer who has lost her self-consciousness and becomes the dance, the singer who has become the song, the surgeon whose ego disappears as they are fully immersed in the challenges and exactitude of the surgery. Engagement in the activities in our lives is important for us to learn, grow, and nurture our personal happiness. Finding such activities can be life-giving. Whether it is sailing, yoga, horseback riding, tennis, mathematics, aikido, flying, poetry, cooking, music, or something as yet undiscovered for you, find the moments when you are completely engaged. Treasure the experience and find ways to make the engagement a part of your life.

Relationships

Relationships and social connections are one of the most important aspects of life. Humans are social animals that thrive on connection, love, intimacy and strong emotional and physical interactions with other humans. Lonely people get sicker and die earlier. Connected people are resilient and thrive. Building and maintaining positive relationships with your parents, siblings, peers, and friends are important to your health and happiness, as well as the health and happiness of others. Having strong relationships gives you support in difficult times. “Sorrow shared is halved, and joy shared is doubled.” A good friend is a great treasure. You get good friends by being a good friend and requiring that others treat you well too. Be a friend to yourself, to those you love, and to those you believe can be a friend back. Treat them well and expect the same in return. You can always improve how you treat others, and you should change or stop a relationship that isn’t healthy for you.

Meaning

Having a purpose and meaning to why each of us exists is important to living a life of happiness and fulfillment. Rather than the pursuit of pleasure and material wealth, we must give actual meaning to our life. Such meaning, or purpose, gives people a reason for their life, giving them the faith and strength to endure and flourish. There is a greater purpose for your life, and it is your responsibility. Meaning is not a question to ask of life, but an answer to give. Don’t waste your time asking, “Why am I here?” The universe doesn’t know. You must tell it. You must find and make the meaning of your life.

I recommend thinking about this one a lot. What would make your life meaningful to you? Write down your life’s purpose. The purpose you are giving your life. Review it periodically and revise it whenever you think you should. Mine has continued to evolve over the last 30 years (since I was about your age), but I refer to it when trying to make important decisions, about jobs, relationships, etc.

By way of example, here’s what I am aiming for currently:

My two-fold noble purpose in life is to reside in the sacramental present, the moment of transcendent beauty in the constantly unfolding unity of now; and to increase the freedom and flourishing of all individuals.

That’s probably a bit wordier and fancier than you want to start with, but it should give you an idea of what I mean.

Accomplishments

Having goals and ambition in life can help us to achieve things that can give us a sense of accomplishment. You should make realistic goals that can be met. As you meet goals your competence will grow and you can set more ambitious ones. Just putting in the effort to achieve goals can already give you a sense of satisfaction, when you finally achieve a goal a sense of pride and fulfillment will be reached. Having accomplishments in life is important to push ourselves to thrive and flourish. Whether you reach a goal or fail you are not finished. If you reach a goal, set a new one. If you fail, pick yourself up and try again. There is no victory without struggle and no sense of accomplishment without effort. When possible, align your goals with your life meaning.

Sense-Making

Creating a positive narrative of who you are, how you fit in, and what you are doing in the world is essential to a good life. Socrates famously said, “The unexamined life isn’t worth living.” I’m not sure that he was correct, I’ve met plenty of very nice trees, but perhaps he meant for humans. Humans are learners and storytellers, to one another, yes, but also, and mainly, inside our own heads. You are constantly narrating your life and it informs everything that you perceive and understand. Truth-seeking; thinking clearly, precisely, logically, broadly, and deeply are all essential mental activities for sense-making. You’ve noticed how much I read. Reading is more than an old form of entertainment, it is a path to learning. Coupled with reflection, reading is a way of finding many perspectives, or stories, and making sense of the world. Like the meaning or purpose of your life, only you can make sense of the world for you. Make it an accurate, true, authentic, positive, powerful, hopeful, loving, and courageous story. Give sense to your life.

Just some thoughts as you head into another week of Summer. I hope you read these ideas more than once and give them some consideration. I want nothing more than to see you grow and flourish.

Love always,

Dad